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Hilarious Tricks To Appear Smarter at Networking Events

Obadiah Murugu, a PR practioner in Mombasa shares hilarious ideas on how to appear smart at corporate parties.

I know you have met people who got you screaming:

“How can someone be that dense?”

But while feeling superior to such aforementioned character, I know a hundred others who feel haughtily superior to you for the simple reason they are smarter.

Being smart requires one to read piles of books; which gobble up both time and money.

And what’s more, it can be a boring endeavour if you did not cultivate the habit in your younger days. So let me offer a few tips on how to fake being smart.

Grow a beard

Sigmund Freud, Frederick Douglass, Professor Muga K’olale and Zeus. All had/have beards. Growing a beard makes one look plain smart. And all these guys have dropped a metric of hallucinations at our feet which we believe.

A corporate event setting. PHOTO | COURTESY


Philosophy

While we’ve already agreed that reading can be boring and time consuming, it wouldn’t hurt to get one book on philosophy and master a few quotes. Try Hegel, Schopenhauer, or even Reynaud. Don’t ask me who these buggers are.

The this is you need someone who you really don’t understand, but nobody else will either when you quote the scholar.

It will not only sound deep but you won’t get busted.

Nobody will ask you to explain or it will signal to the group that they are stupid. You can bet like all pack animals, folks avoid showing weakness to the herd.

An example: you are at a party and three people near you start discussing politics and current events.

Manager 1“What do you think of the government’s plan to correct insecurity? I don’t think we will see results for at least two years, really.”

Manager 2“I don’t think it will take that long. I hope not. We’ve all been waiting long enough for their promises to come to fruition.”

You“Schopenhauer once said ‘A man’s delight in looking forward to and hoping for some particular satisfaction is a part of the pleasure flowing out of it, enjoyed in advance. But this is afterward deducted, for the more we look forward to anything the less we enjoy it when it comes.’ Food for thought.”

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Stunned silence from all around you. And there you are basking in the glow of managers’ admiration.

What did it mean? Well, you’ve no clue. But didn’t it sound smart. And that’s what counts.


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